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The 'Perfect (Pure) Storm' photoshoot.

G is off-line
01 May 2011 19:03
imageaware
Photographer
This member has been reset to pending
imageaware
Location
United Kingdom
Hertfordshire


Here is the game...

We construct a total  nightmare  of a photo-shoot  with every cliche imaginable and every possible problem occurring. Quite like the forums then 

At each stage we make the shoot more and more ridiculous.

With any luck it will turn into a bloody big row and of course we will need 'white knights' to step in from time to time. lol




I'll  start by creating  a TFP casting call for a 5ft 9 female model who works to nude levels.



But the replies I get are from ...?



01 May 2011 23:06
laylarc
Model


Intrst hun is it payed?

I am 5 foot 3 in heels but u can airbrush my legs longer.

my boyfriend will come as a chaperone if he gets bail. he is dead nice and will hold the reflector. But i will have to ware lingery if he comes.

I am bald but i have a blonde wig and also an afro one with rainbow bits in.

Do i get a fag break?

xoxoxoxoxxo


TarMoo is off-line
02 May 2011 00:17
tarmoo
Photographer
tarmoo
Location
United Kingdom
Kent
Chatham

You sort through some interesting replies in your inbox ...

Despite asking for models only from the South East, you get a model from Scotland who is happy to make the 700 mile round trip in her old banger provided travel expenses are paid up front. She asks for some money to cover membership of the RAC in case she has a breakdown on the way in addition to the 40p per mile petrol money.

Another model with obvious fake boobs replies that they "look natural" and so she would like to apply even though you specified natural breasts only.

A local model completely disregards your request for an art nude model and gives you her rates of £100/hr for "solo hard" ( which I presume involves artistic use of a rampant rabbit ).
Q: How to make a small fortune from photography? A: Start with a large fortune.


TarMoo is off-line
02 May 2011 00:44
tarmoo
Photographer
tarmoo
Location
United Kingdom
Kent
Chatham

Sad but true ... You get woken up at 3:00 am in the morning by a text message on your phone from a model intereted in your casting. This is the same model who recently cancelled a shoot while you were en-route saying that she "felt like tarmoo is a naughty person " after working 100 hours that week night shift including just finishing a 12 hr shift only 3hrs before the start of the shoot.
Q: How to make a small fortune from photography? A: Start with a large fortune.


02 May 2011 01:13
laylarc
Model


Errrrr, think this particular thread is supposed to be funny Tarmoo. I'm sure if Imageaware had known it was going to give you traumatic flashbacks, he'd have been more sensitive.



G is off-line
02 May 2011 02:28
imageaware
Photographer
This member has been reset to pending
imageaware
Location
United Kingdom
Hertfordshire


Quote from laylarc
Intrst hun is it payed?

I am 5 foot 3 in heels but u can airbrush my legs longer.

 



Do you own some plastic stripper shoes?...and how good are you at catching your knickers on the heel?


02 May 2011 02:59
Eva_Giles
Model


She informs you that she is incredible at catching her knickers on her heel.... providing the lambrini and cocaine has left her system.
Working upto lingerie at £15p/h.


02 May 2011 03:06
amethyst
Photographer


I only do TFP if there is money as I only do paid TFP now.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.


Iestyn Hooper is off-line
02 May 2011 04:17
iestyn
Photographer

Location
United Kingdom
Suffolk
Stowmarket

Hey hun your piccies are awsum
As i`m new to modeling and buildng my portfolder i`ll work for just £100/hour as long as you send me all piccies. My manager has said he must be there to help me and that your shoot ideas will look better if i do it in a bikini. I`m 5"4 in heels, size 14, i have some acne at the moment but hopefully that`ll clear up before the shoot.
Travel is no prob as long as you come to a studio within 5 miles of me as my manager can bring me in his cool saxo, however don`t pick one in a street with speedhumps as it`s been lowered and music is no prob as he`ll leave the sound system on
I can`t shoot past 8pm as i`m currently wearing a tag on my ankle (but hey did get my asbo, result) don`t worry though you can piccyshop it out in piccies.
I am a proffesiional mawdal so pleeze reply quickly to book a slot in my bussy diary, my manager handdles bookings for me. My bestest M8 is a make up whiz so no prob there and only an extra £100
Luv you work hun
XXXXXXXX


TarMoo is off-line
02 May 2011 04:24
tarmoo
Photographer
tarmoo
Location
United Kingdom
Kent
Chatham

Quote from laylarc
Errrrr, think this particular thread is supposed to be funny Tarmoo. I'm sure if Imageaware had known it was going to give you traumatic flashbacks, he'd have been more sensitive.


No trauma, only the memory of escaping from a possible nightmare shoot and a sense of relief that kamakazi pilots must have felt had after being told to cancel their mission and return to base.

You know when something is not quite right when the model keeps pleading with you not to cancel the shoot from the outset and seems to get ever more desperate as the shoot gets nearer. At one point I was asked to pay in advance because she had a lot of cancellations. I wondered if there was some fundamental reason for all these cancellations, like being two stones overweight after eating too many cream cakes or was there a jealous lesbian lover (I had a suspicion she swung that way) causing havoc. I made a mental note to check if there was an outside chance of some hot girl/girl action shots, but so far nothing to suggest this has surfaced.

Having promised not to cancel I felt honour bound to attend the shoot and should try to uphold the principles of NAPALM (Nude Association for Photographing Artistic Lady Models) whose motto is "Come wind or rain (or chaperones), always get that naked model shot". With a sense of intrepidation, I set of for the shoot, armed with only a couple of flash guns and my trusty Nikon D700+24-70F2.8.

When the text message finally came to call off the mission shoot, I was actually quite happy, despite having to endure 4hrs stuck in Bank Holiday road work traffic on the M25. The only fly in the ointment was a series of text messages trying to reschedule the shoot.

Am I free tomorrow?
Don't thing so

How about next week
I am busy then

Tomorrow is good
Er no, thanks
Q: How to make a small fortune from photography? A: Start with a large fortune.



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