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Joke Themes Game

Keith Monroe is off-lineSilver Member
05 May 2010 08:47
kflashm
Photographer
kflashm
Location
United Kingdom
Devon
Paignton

The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.

She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said.

"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.

"Really?" she said, softening, "How many models have there been?"

"Four," he replied, "A jug, two apples, and a vase."


brunettes!
TF MODELS ALWAYS SOUGHT AFTER, TRAVEL USUALLY HELPED WITH.


Laura McIntyre (née Ford) is off-line
05 May 2010 08:59
Purple_Girl
Photographer
Purple_Girl
Location
United Kingdom
Lothian
West Lothian and Edinburgh

A brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. She rubs it and a genie appears. The genie says, "You are allowed three wishes. But, I must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."
The woman says, "Ok, give me a nice house."
The genie replies, "You now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."
The the lady says, "Give me a gorgeous man."
The genie replies, "You now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."
The lady says, "For my last wish, Genie, see that stick over there? Beat me half to death with it."


Being drunk
A dry sponge is a happy sponge.


gerryquiff is off-lineSilver Member
09 May 2010 08:09
gerryquiff
Photographer
gerryquiff
Location
United Kingdom
Lanarkshire
Bonnie Scotland

2 homeless drunks empty their pockets and have less than £1 between them.
One says OK we can still get a drink with this, they then walk into a butchers and buy a link sausage.
They wander into a pub and order 2 pints and 2 halfs, as the barman puts the drinks on the counter they both start drinking the pints. When the barman asks for money one drunk gets on his knees in front of his pal, and unzips him.
Unknown to his audience he pulls the sausage through his pal's zipper and sticks it in his mouth.
"OI, GET OUT, THIS ISN'T A GAY BAR" they promptly leave.

They repeat this routine for the next few hours and start to feel the effect of the drink.
as they are walking between pubs one turns to the other
"After this pub, we can swap over, my knees are red raw with all the kneeling down"
the 2nd one replies
" Thats easier said than done. We lost the sausage after the 3rd pub"

Hospitals
CAT WANTED. Must be large enough to make Davy Crockett hat. (6 7/8) Prefer ginger


Glenn Henderson is off-line
14 May 2010 15:05
double_scotch
Studio
double_scotch
Location
United Kingdom
East Sussex
Brighton

Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on beds next to each other, outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that

done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice-cream. It's a breeze."

The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"

The first kid says, "A circumcision."

And the second kid says, "Whoa, Good luck, buddy, I had that done when I was born...

Couldn't walk for a year....

Telephone
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John McIntyre is off-line
16 May 2010 15:42
stphq
Photographer
stphq
Location
United Kingdom
Lothian
Mid/West Lothian & Edinburgh

Mother: Why was the phone busy all night?

Babysitter: The fire department put me on hold.

new theme: SWIMMING

"If you've enjoyed me half as much as I've enjoyed you, then I've enjoyed you twice as much as you've enjoyed me"


Glenn Henderson is off-line
27 May 2010 16:33
double_scotch
Studio
double_scotch
Location
United Kingdom
East Sussex
Brighton

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years..
He had a large pond in the back.
It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple, and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'


Some old men can still think fast.

Flashlight
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