Personally, I like 2 or 3 shots from each set. I prefer seeing all the unedited shots, so I can be self-critical and also so that I can make my own selections, but I don't mind it when photographers make the selections; like Chrissie I only trade with people whose judgement I trust. Overall, I normally expect 10 - 15 shots from an entire shoot. It normally takes about a fortnight to receive images; up to a month is all right in my book, up to two is acceptable, more than two months is just taking the piss. I always pay my own travel, although when I was new and super broke I sometimes got my travel refunded simply so I could afford to get to the shoot. Sometimes I split other costs like studio and make up artist as well.
All of this can be renegotiated with the photographer of course. Hope that helps.
Oh, and I didn't mind downloading files or getting an email, but I always end up burning everything to disc regardless.