Four girls were taking a walk. A long, long walk - they were doing an expedition award over three days. The weather forecast had been cold and wet. Of course, the weather was now sunny and hot. They had been walking for hours with thick clothing on. They were sweating, exhausted and wanted to rest. Unfortunately the land was flat and open without any trees or shelter to get out of the hot sun.
Suddenly one of the girls saw a clump of trees and bushes in the distance. They thought it was a mirage until they got closer. It was indeed a circle of trees and bushes. They thought to go into the centre to have some shade from the sun and rest for a while. When they did this, they couldn't believe their eyes! There was a small patch of land to lie down on, also a small lake fed by a clear flowing stream. They unloaded their packs, washed their faces and drank from the cold, clear water.
After a while one of them said that it would be nice to bathe in this water, to cool themselves down more. Another said that they couldn't as they had no swimsuits with them. (After all, they were travelling light with minimum clothes, as they were doing an expedition.) A third girl said don't be silly, we are in the middle of nowhere, there is no-one else around, and as we can see for miles over this flat landscape we can see if anyone comes. The fourth girl said OK, is anyone shy, no, right, I'm first. With that she stripped off completely and stepped in. She shrieked as the water was so cold, then after a few minutes she sank down and said it's lovely and cool, come on in. All the others then joined her.
When they had cooled down they got out, then realised they had no big towels to dry themselves with. (After all, they were travelling light with minimum clothes, as they were doing an expedition.) One of the girls said don't worry, we can lie on the patch of land and dry ourselves, as the sun is now shining there a bit. They lay on their backs for a few minutes and then turned over onto their fronts.
They then reluctantly decided to get dressed and move off, otherwise they would not get to their allocated campsite in time for tonight's camp. They got dressed, put on their packs and went outside the circle of trees and bushes. They were just about to move off when they heard a noise in the distance. They looked that way and saw a dust cloud. Eventually they made out a lorry. One of the girls said that they had better hide in case they were in trouble. They hid on the other side of the circle of trees and bushes.
The lorry came right up and stopped. On of the girls peeked round and could see that it was an Army lorry. An officer jumped out.
He shouted "Camouflage party - get in the lorry". All the trees and bushes then got into the lorry.
A friend whot was a Royal Marine SWORE this was a true story.
He was on exercise, dug in and camouflaged and a young lady walker came round the bush behind whot he was, dropped 'em.....
... and peed on his head.
I can absolutely believe the story - having gone to take a pee in Iraq, unzipped, "chap in hand" when a bit of scrub in front of me said "put that away or I'll cut it off"
Turned out I'd decided to attempt to relieve myself on an SF sniper. Needless to say I found somewhere else to relieve myself and the rest of the team thought it hilarious I came back white as a ghost.
When the "bush" spoke to me I swear I was closer to doing a number 2 than the number 1 I'd gone for...