Friday Larf

7 posts
30 Nov 2012
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but i t is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as F1 or Red Bull air racing

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can -

to give them a bigger laugh.
Posted 30 Nov 2012
class ..this made me chuckle ,what are you women like lol
Posted 30 Nov 2012
Women's Rules for Men


* Don't ever lie to us; we always find out.
* If you're in a bad mood, we're going to assume it's our fault. So, tell us what's bothering you.
* Don't act like a big shot to impress us. It always backfires.
* Quit complaining about your boss. Find another job.
* Sunday is usually the only day we can relax. Be flexible about the all-day sports rule.
* Pay attention. We like to give clues. "Susie and Bob tried a great new restaurant" means "Why don't you ever take us anywhere nice?"
* Would it kill you to mark our birthday, anniversary and Valentine's Day on your calendar?
* If we wanted to check our own oil, rotate our own tires, change our own fuses and put stuff on the highest shelf, we'd be men.
* We'll stop faking it if you'll stop asking us.
* We'll never bug you to stop and ask for directions if you'll just figure out in advance how to get where we're going.
* Yes, it's true. Sometimes we like to call up and talk about nothing. Get used to it.
* PMS is a medically recognized condition. It's not in our heads.
* We care nothing about monster trucks, car systems, stereo systems or paint ball. We're just pretending.
* The kissing must never stop.
* We have no intentions of shaving our legs everyday.
* Don't make bets about us; we always find out.
* We will always think we're fat. Would it kill you to tell us we're not?
* We will never pick a fight with you while you're doing the laundry or the dishes or washing our car.
* Don't ask for our phone number if you don't intend to use it within 48 hours.
* Don't blame us for the sins of your ex-wives and girlfriends.
* Understand that tit-for-tat doesn't mean anything dirty. It just means for every wrestling match we watch with you on TV, we get one "The Practice."
* If we don't laugh, it doesn't mean we don't get it--we get it- -it means it's not funny.
* If you ask us where we'd like to go on a date, don't pout when we tell you.
* Don't count our shoes and we won't count your Playboys
* If you've finished the toilet paper, replace the roll. We bet you can figure out where we keep it.
* If you ask us what's wrong and we say nothing, ask us again. And this time, look sincere
* We are not nags, it's just that you never do what we ask the first time.
* Real men run dishwashers.
* And dust.
* Inviting us to come over to watch you watch sports is not a date.
* Don't bring your mobile phone on a date unless you have children.
* If you hold our hand in public, it doesn't mean you're whipped.
* We believe that you mean everything that it says in a greeting card. So, spend a few minutes and pick out a nice one.
* When we say money isn't important, we're lying.
* No one dies of a cold.
* If you call yourself "the kid" and/or speak of yourself in the third person, we will have to leave.
* If it itches, wash it.
* When you answer us while you're watching television, at least turn your head in our direction.
* If you would compliment us on a regular basis, we would stop asking you if we look fat and if other girls are prettier than we are.
* If you only knew how much getting flowers for no reason means to us, you would do it and your life would improve exponentially.
* Consider removing your back hair. We'd be glad to shave it..
* If you compare us to your mother, we'll compare you to our father. And you'll come up short
* When you send us flowers, always send them to the office.
* Only the worst kind of a pig stares at other women when he's with us. We look at other men, but we do it discreetly.
* When no one's home, stand in front of a mirror and practice this until you can say it in public, "I was wrong."
* After you've mastered that, work on, "I'm sorry."
* We are neither your mother nor your maid.

Thought this was cute and wanted to share it..
Posted 30 Nov 2012
Edited by matt 2 Dec 2012
steady on suzy .... no one dies of a cold,? alls im saying to you lv, is two words MAN FLU
Posted 30 Nov 2012
Of course! 1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*. *(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.) 2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'. It is a condition so severe that the germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes of people living in the rain forest. And probably loads of monkeys too. 3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what is medically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' - which, if a man caught, he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tear the phone book in half and compete in all other kinds of manly activities Read more:
Posted 30 Nov 2012
Edited by matt 2 Dec 2012
HA HA see the link above ladies read em and weep, medical PROOF of what us blokes have to go through every year, well thats if we survive! that is,
Posted 30 Nov 2012
Edited by steve0664 30 Nov 2012
Posted 1 Dec 2012
To reply to this thread you must be a member. Click here to join