Doomed to failure!
My favorite joke will get me thrown off here and my second favorite is too long...but I will tell you the punchline....
"...she pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed so much ,she farted, blew away all the flour, and the soldiers all wet themselves laughing!"
The guy who invented the cat's eyes in the middle of the road, got the idea when driving home one night when his headlights reflected off the eyes of a cat walking towards him.
If the cat had been walking the other way, he would have invented the pencil sharpener instead!
A 3 legged dog clad in a poncho and chewing on a cigarillo..rides into an old west town with tumbleweed blowing across the landscape His spurs clink as he kicks open the salon bar door and the piano player pauses in his tune as the dog approaches the bar.
The nervous barmen pours whisky into a shot glass and timidly asks: Hey dawg...whatcha doing in this here town"
the dog looks him in the eyes and says" Im looking for the man who shot ma paw"
Young boy gets up in the night to answer the call of nature. On his way to the bathroom he sees a light coming from his parents bedroom and the door is slightly open. He peeks in. When he eventually gets to the bathroom he is muttering to himself "and to think she shouts at me for sucking my thumb"