The Bad Joke Thread

The Bad Joke Thread

59 posts
2 May 2011
Vas
Model
Vas
I love shit jokes, so thought I'd start a thread of them! Add your awful jokes (preferably the ones that you embarrass kids/friends/significant others with).

What's brown and sticky?
A stick

What's white and can't climb trees?
A fridge

How do you make a dead baby float?
2 scoops ice cream, 1 scoop baby

Posted 2 May 2011
Edited by Vas 2 May 2011
River
Model
River
Q- What do you call a rook in a tree with a machine gun? A- Sir. Q- What's yellow and dangerous? A- Shark infested custard.
Posted 2 May 2011
I will PM you my bad joke on facebook xx

Posted 2 May 2011
Q- How do you get a dead baby out of a blender?
A- With a dorito.



Posted 2 May 2011
Lexx
Model
Lexx
What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, idiot! BREATHE!
Posted 2 May 2011
tarmoo
Photographer
tarmoo
Some Doctor Jokes:

Doctor, I think I am a pair of Curtains
Pull yourself together man

Doctor, I just swallowed my camera film
Lets hope nothing develops

Doctor, I think I am a clock
Don't get wound up about it

Doctor, I think I am like a pack of cards
OK, I will deal with you later
Posted 2 May 2011
Edited by tarmoo 2 May 2011
Vas
Model
Vas
Wild_Rose
Q- How do you get a dead baby out of a blender? A- With a dorito.
Oh I am the QUEEN of dead baby jokes! What's the size of a breadbin but can't fit through a door? Baby with a javelin through it's head What goes plop plop, fizz fizz? Baby in a bucket of acid What's black and taps on windows? Baby in a microwave What's the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a ferrari in my garage What's worse than 10 dead babies in a bin? 1 baby, 10 bins
Posted 2 May 2011
Edited by Vas 2 May 2011
kirkschwarz
Photographer
kirkschwarz
2 Tomatoes in a frying pan, one turns to the other and says 'Phew, it's hot in here' the other turns and looks for a second before shouting 'holy shit! A talking tomato?!?!'.


Q: What goes thud thud thud thud thud thud thud squelch?

A: An octopus missing a shoe.................
Posted 2 May 2011
Edited by kirkschwarz 2 May 2011
w4pictures
Photographer
w4pictures
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.


Posted 2 May 2011
carshaltonkev
Photographer
carshaltonke..
Did you hear about the suicidal... er... banker?

He tossed himself off a cliff.





Posted 2 May 2011
kirkschwarz
Photographer
kirkschwarz
Did you hear about the magic tractor??????



It turned into a field.......

Posted 2 May 2011
tarmoo
Photographer
tarmoo
Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!
I'm not surprised, sir, it was ground only a few minutes ago

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
Looks like the breast-stroke to me, sir.

Posted 2 May 2011
w4pictures
Photographer
w4pictures
Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.

Not so loud, please, Sir or everybody will want one.

Posted 2 May 2011
Ely
Model
Ely
Vas

Oh I am the QUEEN of dead baby jokes!


Whats the difference between a barrel full of marbles and a barrel full of babies?
You cant pitchfork marbles.

Other 'classics' include

Whats a prostitutes favourite colour?  Indigo.

When I left home, my mum said, "Don't forget to write."
I thought, "That's unlikely... It's a basic skill, isn't it?"

What does Jesus and a grape have in common?
They both have beards, except the grape.

What do you do when you see your ex wife running around the garden, naked, covered in blood and screaming for help?
Keep calm, reload and try again.


ALL the jokes I know are bad... hahahaa   sorry!!


Posted 2 May 2011
willstrange
Photographer
willstrange
Vas
Oh I am the QUEEN of dead baby jokes! What's the size of a breadbin but can't fit through a door? Baby with a javelin through it's head What goes plop plop, fizz fizz? Baby in a bucket of acid What's black and taps on windows? Baby in a microwave What's the difference between a ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I don't have a ferrari in my garage What's worse than 10 dead babies in a bin? 1 baby, 10 bins
Amazing work! What do you call a three-legged donkey? A wonky What do you call a three-legged donkey with one eye? A winky wonky
Posted 3 May 2011
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